Giving Away Your Power

Why do I blank out when I stare at an empty page or forget everything I wanted to say when the video camera is rolling? Why do all the thought provoking conversations I have in my head all day go silent the moment when I am going to put them down in on “paper” or document them on film. Does it make them to real…too concrete? Am I afraid of what other people will think of my insights, my opinions, my advice? Am I afraid of being judged and found somehow lacking?
Sometimes I feel like such an imposter because so many people look at me and all they see is my outer – put together – persona. They think that I am ALWAYS bold and confident, when in reality those times are not as often as perceived. I often find it incredibly hard to see myself as good enough to put myself “out there”. I tend to be so scared and unsure that I could stand up under the scrutiny of others’ opinions or judgements. Would I crumble if someone criticized me or questioned my reasoning?
And, as I type this I hear my Lord whispering to me – “my dear, you have taken your eyes off of Me!”
Isn’t that so true? I find it so ironic how easy it is for me to uplift others and tell them not to worry about other people’s opinions. How they are amazing and brave by stepping out of their comfort zones and sometimes that makes other people uncomfortable and judgmental. These are the things that come to my lips so easily when dealing with someone else. I preach about the importance of not allowing other PEOPLE to have that much power over you. I preach that THAT power is reserved exclusively for God alone!
And yet…sometimes I find myself not practicing what I preach. Sometimes I stop being a bold, powerful woman of God and I shrink back into the box I have built for myself. It is interesting though, that I have had lots of times of stepping out of my comfort zone. Many times of pushing past my fears and seeing the tremendous growth…and yet, I still have moments where being in my box is just more comfortable and less risky!
Those are the moments where I have forgotten WHO made me. I have forgotten how much He cares for me. I have forgotten how, through my weakness, He makes me strong. I have a purpose to fulfill and it will not be accomplished by me sitting in my comfortable box and it will not be fulfilled unless I walk through my fear. My Lord is whispering – “my dear, you have taken your eyes off of Me!”
I find that I must take back all the power I have given others’ and give it back to the One that made me! I must stop looking to people to fill my self esteem tank, but instead allow my self worth to only be dictated by what my God says I am – Cherished and Loved.
So, you see, we ALL have struggles that no one else sees. We all have silent battles we fight. It is important to not beat yourself up for the moments of weakness and fear. You just need to re-center yourself and get your eyes back on the Lord. He will renew your strength. He will lift you up on wings like eagles; he will allow you to run and not grow weary. Keep your focus where it should be and stop looking to people in this world to speak to what you are worth – that right should only be reserved for our God.

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *